I drank a tall coffee at 4 p.m. yesterday, and at least partly as a result lay in bed from about 1:30-3 a.m., unable to fall asleep, with my mind buzzing in circles such that I'm surprised it didn't wear a hole in my skull. I thought about many, many things, over and over again. I may even have thought about those things somewhat productively, if obsessively.
One significant realization I came to was that if at all possible, I do not want to sing in a church choir next year. However much I love singing earnestly in English - and I really did love the set of Howells motets my choir sung this past fall, which were about the most High Church you could get - I'm not religious. I have zero motivation to wake up Sunday mornings and put on two robes and sit still during the sermon. Let alone pretend as though I feel like part of the congregation, which we were occasionally expected to do at my last church.
Easy - just don't sing in a church choir, you say. But in New York, at least, it's one of the easiest ways to join a really excellent group. My other options are a mixed bag. There are a few of groups whose conductors I know, and which I think I'd have a pretty good chance of successfully auditioning for. The more appealing options, repertoire-wise, are the more exclusive ones; I'm still going to audition, I think, and at least see where I stand. One of my goals in vocal training was to feel comfortable singing with better and better choirs and chamber ensembles; if I audition for these groups and make it, I'll know one thing, and if I don't, I'll know another.