Sunday, March 16, 2008

what I do not know about

Scene: the local designer-markdown store, hosiery section. I am trying to decide whether I need more tights.

Characters:
Kermit
is wearing jeans, sneakers, and a fuzzy purple zip-up outer layer. Hair in ponytail.
Normal-looking friendly woman is in her late 20s, short bobbed hair, small silver earrings, a bit of lipstick.

Friendly woman (suddenly turning): When is it too late to wear tights with a skirt? Spring?

Kermit (thinking frantically): (Never? When your legs get cold? Do I look like I know the answer to this question? I don't even shave my legs! It's funny that tights are OK but stockings are unacceptable, fashion-wise. It's funny that I know that. Why does such a reasonable-looking woman desire the answer to such a fashion-conscious question? Quick, think, when do legs get cold? Aha, when your skirt is short, or when it's night!) (out loud): Uh, I think it depends on the skirt, I guess... and I think at night it's more or less OK...

Friendly woman, smiling enigmatically: Mmm, OK, thanks.

9 comments:

Maude Lebowski said...

insert a lisa simpson laugh here.

if i weren't so dehydrated from the copious amounts of wine i drank last night, i might have peed my pants i found this so funny.

thanks for the morning smile.

kermitthefrog said...

Glad to be of service -- but the question remains: when?? Does anyone know whether there's a meaningful reply to this question?

luckybuzz said...

I don't know the answer to this question--I didn't even know it could be too late to wear tights with a skirt. Granted, I don't wear skirts, but the last time I did (a year ago, I think? For the first time in about 8 years), I'm sure I wore tights with it.

But I love that "I don't even shave my legs" was part of your thought process on this. :)

kermitthefrog said...

Indeed.. the even further expanded version would have been "If she only knew I haven't shaved in a year, she would gnash her teeth at the futility of her question!"

Maude Lebowski said...

since i can say that i technically work in the fashion industry (okay, sales at banana republic, but still, we actually have training "classes" on fabrics and trends), i think the rules have changed toward tights. i think as long as you're comfortable, actually, in them and not sweating your ass off you're fine.

also, a nice alternative is the footless tight. you get the benefit of tights (body smoothing if you have to by the Spanx or Assets versions, like me), plus the benefit of spring/summer shoes like sandals, flip-flops, espadrille wedges, etc.

i'll ask the fashion maven next time i see her.

JD said...

Like Luckybuzz, I wasn't aware of this fashion issue...and I tend not to shave my legs unless I know I'm going to be wearing a short skirt to somewhere that not shaving my legs will be a faux pas.

So. Huh. I think you fielded the question nicely.

kermitthefrog said...

Oooh, thanks, Maude! That's what I'd thought.

JD, I am currently (mentally) debating the leg-shaving issue w/r/t teaching a summer class. But that is a whole other post that may or may not ever exist. :)

Bardiac said...

Wait a sec, stockings are unacceptable?

It's a danged good thing I wear slacks pretty much all the time (except summer, when shorts are comfier).

kermitthefrog said...

Mmm, unacceptable only for those wishing to appear "fashionable," I assume. While I go back and forth about how much attention to pay to clothes, I very rarely think about anything called "fashion." I only know about the stockings by way of Go Fug Yourself.